Mid week mutterings………….

By redpanda On February 24th, 2010

Well half term was great…………….took the kids to Southampton for the day on the Tuesday…………had a great time looking around and doing all sorts of things and trying to decide what we liked and what we did not…………..had lunch in Pizza Hut……………Ryan loved his cheesy garlic bread……………..it was just sooo nice but rather pricey……………told them next time we eat at IKEA………………now that is another story all together as I could have easily spent a couple of hundred pound in there……………..I love their kitchen and bathroom stuff…………………..and their bedroom stuff,¬† furniture, food, the list is endless………………….but we took all day about going around there and West Quay and it was a really good jelled together day………………..

I am still spending a lot of time job hunting…………….got an interview next week for Aquacare who are the local water boards assistance team………………also looking at temp work but my main contact is getting very little response…………….there are jobs out there if only they would take into consideration those with few formal qualifications………………………Have just checked what I am likely to get and when and it has all been confirmed…………..I even get my pension contributions back………………..but not until May at the earliest…………..

Been out on the bike again……………only 11 miles but my knee is agony………….I even struggle to get off the sofa sometimes…………………..I find it so annoying………………Tim has been off work 2 days with a bad neck cos of cycling……………….I wish he would tell me where the pain is………….I would have massaged it……………

Now I love music…………….I get whinged at for my taste sometimes but I think that Biffy Clyro rocks…………….Many of Horrors is an excellent track……………Kristie wants to go with her mate Emma to see You Me At Six at Southampton Guildhall next month………………ummmmmm yes but how are you going to get back from the train station………………………………she has grown up into an amazing young lady……………….respectful, courteous, tempermental¬† (like mother like daughter) loving………..need I go on???????????? Ryan is also amazing…………..he wants to cook……….he loves practical things and I think he is a chef in the making………………..he is even cooking Chilli for tea tonight………….bless…………….and then there is Tim……………..the one person who means more to me than anything in the world…………………………I love him to bits and despite our ups and downs we are getting there………………

Enough or I will cry……………………….

Whoever said life was easy

By redpanda On February 15th, 2010

lied………more time spent job hunting today and sorting out the house insurance (done and dusted) everything I tried to do seemed to confuse me…………..especially the insurance which took me over an hour to sort out because it turns out that Meerkat is not supported by the insurer that I chose even though they quoted for me…………….grrrrrrr blooming insurers…………..the fact I used to work for several in the past is irrelevant but I do understand how it works…………..

The headaches are still causing me a problem……………I am sure they are linked to the Tinnitus even though the clinic doctor does not think they are………….they are driving me nuts completely now………….its starting to affect everything I seem to do……………causes friction and slight forgetfulness……………sometimes I just want to sleep but the noise is so loud it does not help………….

The great weight loss campaign has ground to a halt…………….though I am eating sensibly and exercising I cannot seem to lose anymore now……………I still have a long way to go so I will keep trying………………I cycled twice instead of once at the weekend…………the second time was about 14 miles out in Wareham Forest which we had never done before……………I liked it cos there were not too many hills and what there were apart from one were easy to deal with……………

Not much else to report though being half term should give me a bit to talk about in the week……………..

The week it all started to take shape

By redpanda On February 13th, 2010

Well apart from a bad day on Tuesday this week has been pretty good………….One interview on Friday and several job applications submitted over the week has really been productive…………..I just hope someone offers me a job offer soon even if its only temping for a bit again………….I really do not mind…………….as long as it stops my brain from fermenting I would do almost anything……………….

Tuesday was just an off day where nothing I did made sense I know why………….but its something I prefer not to think about……………..To be honest it will not happen again…………..I will not let it happen again and I need to be in control of me……………..I think I am winning the depression battle but some days it sort of creeps up on me………….without me even realising it…………..I also have to take control of my actions more……….and not rely too much on others making decisions for me or telling me what to do……………

Valentines day……………well I have got Tim a card and a treat……………..not sure if he has got me anything…………….Because I was horrible to him on Tuesday when I lost it I feel I have to make it up to him so a rather large treat is in order………………….

Been out on the bike again today and did the Throop Loop and saw bits of Bournemouth I never knew………….not been round by the Old Mill before and a lot of the track was fairly solid as opposed to Muddy………….and for once I did not feel wiped out halfway round………….went up to Hurn Forest and then back across Parley Common then Tim went and did the Loop again while I came home…………and I am quite proud of myself for getting up three hills in the last bit on the way home without having to walk any of them……………..I actually found some extra power from somewhere which made it easier to do………….not sure about the weir by the water mill though it was very narrow and yes I did fall off again landing very heavily on my already very much a problem knee…………….

I have been out and about a lot this week looking for work but feel more tired than when I was working………..also the Tinnitus is not helping and keeps me awake at night……………….I just wish that would go away…………………its currently driving me insane…………I had a pre appointment questionnaire to do for the hospital yesterday and I can honestly say that I only answered no to two questions……………….the rest were either yes or sometimes………….I really wish it would stop but it is always there and sometimes louder than at others……………..

Things are starting to look up……………lets hope that the rest of the time that I am off is going to be as good as it has been the latter part of this week………………

Sometimes life just kicks you where it hurts

By redpanda On February 7th, 2010

Well that is what this week has felt like………..

The job that I loved has fallen through………failed probation which to be honest I am quite shocked at because I had no idea it was going to happen in a sense………..I believed it would be extended to take into account the health issues I have had since Christmas but alas it was not to be……………..so most of this week has been spent searching for a new job………….had one interview and got a call back to go again for a days assessment but when I sat down and worked out the pay against the hours it was completely naff and would not have given me quality time with my family and I have to put them first……………but working a 50 hour week for less than what I was on is completely crap……………so it is back to the drawing board……………I have applied for loads of jobs online………..two rejections because people are better qualified than me so will just keep at it and going out and about searching…………

Went for a long bike ride yesterday again……….found it hard work because of the wet ground in places and the new chain Tim put on kept slipping some of the time………….the solid tracks were good though and the target of a hot chocolate at the end of it was worth waiting for………………

Not long now til the Speedway season starts…………will be following the local team as usual but have been reading about one of my past heroes who has been unwell recently…………..Kelly Moran, an American who rode in the UK in the late 70′s/early 80′s who was absolutely brilliant in his day…………and it took me back to when all the American’s rode over here and we had all the test matches and America dominating the World Team Cup which was in a different format then………………..oh how things have changed with hardly any Americans riding in the UK these days but there are loads of young Aussie’s coming through the ranks……………Poole having both Chris Holder and Darcy Ward in their team is going to be good…………must try and get down there this year for a change……………..

Diet has gone out of the window this week because of what has happened…………..I hate not eating sensibly but things have got better as the week went on…………….got a nice Gammon joint today which is one of my favorites…………pity the rest of them are not that keen on it………………..

Off to see what else needs doing………………..