What is it about people

By redpanda On May 13th, 2009

That seems to get my back up at the moment.

Yesterday for example I went and registered with an agency who said that they had vacancies only to get the don’t call us we’ll call you treatment. Mind you it seems like that everywhere I go at the moment. I went to sign on today as the temp job has now finished and got told I have to wait til the last of that money has gone into the bank. So that means I cannot do anything until Monday now. I need to work to keep what is left of my sanity.

I also had an at home day today apart from that trip to the job centre. It was lovely to just be here on my own with a little bit of time to think about the future, look on line at job vacancies, read some Slimming World recipes and just do a bit of housework. We (Ryan and I) even tried to bake some rather large chocolate chip cookies! Well that is what they started out as. They turned into a giant flat looking cake that filled the whole of the baking tray. Mental note to self….I have never been much of a baker may be now is the time to learn. I am also going back to menu planning for the week. I stopped a few weeks back and wished I had not. Trying to find something low fat to do with the several packs of diced beef I have in the freezer is not as easy as I thought it would be.

I wish I knew why I feel so low and depressed some days. Yesterday I felt really low but today was completely different. I felt really high but strangely sad. I think that is something to do with coming to terms with my condition. I have never really accepted my depression had such an impact on my life until recently. Now I have to get things in order so that I can change things for the better. And that means making lots of changes. For the past few years I have not been a very likeable person in some respects. I have not only let my family down but let myself down. The more it has happened the more depressed I have become. Not any more. I will stop doing the things that I should not be doing and dedicate more time to the things that I should be doing. May be then I can learn to like myself again, and then may be my family will have more faith and trust in me. I love my family so much and I hate myself for letting them down but I will do this not only for me but for them to. I have to stop feeling negative and become more positive and more assertive.

More thoughts tomorrow.