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a bit because of various things that have happened……………so the good news first………….

Finally got back on the bike last weekend for the first time…………..out to Moors Valley which I like a lot cos there are not too many hilly bits…………..they also have some very nice trails out there which they are also expanding by another 7km………should be good when its finished……………as for the not many hills…………..Tim has a lot to answer for………..we always park in a lay by area near where entrance to Moors Valley is…………I hate paying for parking unless we really have to……………..and we went a slightly different way into the park this time…………..the hills in places were steeper than ever and I had to walk some of them because of the pressure on my knee………….I pinched Krisite’s kiting knee pads but got some of my own at the weekend……………..I did come off once but it was on soft sand and not too bad a landing…………..the pads worked a dream…………….I really enjoyed the ride and the knee held up very well indeed all things considered……………

The dieting is going ok…………….finally got my 2 and a half stone award and not through want of trying…………..5lb in one week for me is more than good especially as Easter was included…………put a little on last week but hopefully it will start coming off in small amounts with the odd large one thrown in………….still got a long way to go…………….

The job front is very up and down at the moment………………did a temp job in Ringwood last week for 4 days but nothing this week……………been to a couple of new agencies this week who are very forward thinking and are hoping to get me something sorted out soon……………..I did get offered a post with one of the big banks but it was then withdrawn due to references…………..no idea what has been said but I am finding it is hindering me in getting something permanent………………I just want to work……………I hate not working properly and really need the stability of working to keep me from becoming depressed again……………..I am coping but some days are really bad where as others are really good…………Tim is working from home a lot to make sure that I don’t fall back into old habits which to a degree I like but I do wish I could be on my own more sometimes……………..I know it is for my own good but I need space as well………….the one thing I do not want is to become a horrible person again…………..I want to stay away from that and make progress like I have today……………

Going to Westward Ho! Saturday……………..taking the camera and hopefully getting some good pictures then in three weeks we are off to Gisburn in Lancashire for a biking weekend……………both should be fun and it will be nice to meet some of the biking people……………………

Speedway season is now under way and my team the Poole Pirates are top of the league at this early stage in the season…………….of course there is a long way to go yet but I would like to see us win it this year……………..

More after the weekend………………..

One minute there is nothing the next I am being offered two jobs for next week in different places one of which is paying almost double what the first one is………………it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess which one I am doing………………..going to have to get used to early mornings especially if Tim is not here cos it means catching a bus  at silly o’clock to be in Ringwood at 9.00……………its with the insurance section of a finance company…………….its only for 4 days but it could become a permanent thing……………….also got another interview on Tuesday morning for something more local………………

Lost another pound this week so I am happy with that but then I should lose again next week cos I think I have got the female version of ‘Man Flu’ which is not what I want over Easter…………….I hate feeling ill……………drives me barmy…………and as soon as I complain about it everyone moans……………well next time they are ill there will be no sympathy from me…………………….

Still not feeling up to going on the bike yet……………might have a little road run out over the weekend if it stops raining long enough to go out……………..all it seems to do here is rain at the moment…………..

Still having good days and bad days but the good are outnumbering the bad which can only be a good thing…………..and I feel more content than I have done for a long time……………..again that can only be good for me……………still getting the headaches…………….though not as frequently and not as bad as they were but still there…………………

Not much else to report……………..off for a bath and an early night…………….

At last I have had some work………ok only two days and about 5 hours on each one but it is better than nothing and money coming in………………only data entry and envelope stuffing but it kept me out of trouble for a few hours…………….I also had two agency interviews last week and the agency that got me the odd days has said they will try and get me some more work but more permanent work ie long term temping or contract……………..I am not worried as long as I am working and its continual………….I’m happy to do a week here and there if I have to and can go in at short notice if I have to…………….money may not be brilliant but it is better than no money at all………………..

Lost 2.5 lb last week and picked up two new books full of great ideas and one is Family Feasts for under a fiver (not including store cupboard staples like salt and pepper or soy sauce……………) Going to try a couple in the week…………and tried a lovely Chinese fried rice one last week which was really nice…………….lets hope we are now back on track properly and get on with losing this weight more quickly……………………….

Not been out on the bike since I fell off……………….my knee is still causing me problems and is driving me mad……………I want to ride but I am worried that if I do it too soon it could cause more damage……………..ironically it is the same knee that I badly damaged in a kiting accident 4 years ago at Easter……………….then I could not fly for about a year so I am hoping that this does not take anything like as long to recover…………….

Now we are cycling we have reached a decision to sell most of the kite gear……………purely because its not getting enough use and to find any decent sites we have to travel……………..I still want to visit some of the places I have come to love as a result of kiting like Westward Ho! and we are keeping some of the small kites and the kids boards so we will still fly some of the time but not as often……………Mountain biking is the way forward and we do not have to travel so far to do it………………I will still be out taking pictures sometimes of the flyers wherever we go…………….there is always a camera on me even if it is only the one on my phone………………….I have made a lot of friends through kiting and still intend to keep in touch with them through forums or Facebook………………..

So thats it for the moment………………..more updates as and when……………

another interview………….more agencies dealt with and contacted…………..more thoughts of how positive I am trying to be and a couple of wobbles because of negative thoughts pretty much sums it up to be honest……………..

Lost another pound and a half which I am pleased with………….surprised as well but in a good way because I really thought that I had gained again which would have hacked me off………….Still experimenting with some recipes from the new book and magazine………..I love Slimming World chips amongst other things…………and doing SW along with the cycling is helping to boost my confidence a bit as well I think………….

New route to try out on the bikes this weekend………….starting at the Horton Inn over the other side of Wimborne………….pub lunch after????????? May be it would be nice to do something like that………….it says in the book that the route is moderate but then after last weeks escapade and the claggy clay on an easy route I reckon anything is possible………….I must look at the other routes in the book at some time to see where else we can go and see if there are any that Ryan may be able to do…………….he does not mind about 5 miles at the moment………….any more than that and he starts complaining…………..and I don’t want to fall off again like I did last week…………..I have a huge bruise on my right arm still which hurts like mad………….

Things to be positive about this weekend………….more cycling…………mothers day……………cooking roast dinner on Sunday………….being with my family without having an argument……….I really cannot see any negatives for this weekend at all…………….

More after the ride tomorrow……………..

That is the thought that I am having now…………had two interviews last week and got declined on both but have taken all the positives out of them to move forward on to the next ones…………..got two possibly three lined up for this week……….one with an agency, one for a proper job and the other is with a company that I have been interviewed by before but then it was for a part time job……………something must come up soon……….

As I said I am being positive about things as it is the way forward in everything…………..it should help me get my head straight………….I see things in a different way slightly as I was really low before…………..for example this morning…………I decided to go into Bournemouth to check with the agencies I am registered with for updates…………the fact I did it on the spur of the moment was a new thing for me because as him indoors put it ‘it is out of character for you to do something like that’ (or words to that effect)…………..may be but I have to make my own decisions as to what I need to do and when……………getting a job is the most important thing at the moment…………followed by my MRI scan results and the Tinnitus counselling…………….

The diet is a bit hit and miss at the moment…………I am trying to eat sensibly but it does not always work………..if I have a lunchtime appointment or interview my eating habits go to pot and I end up eating junk……………….so for example I have cereal at breakfast…………..a Mugshot with a yoghurt and fruit for lunch and something decent in the evening for dinner………if I am out I normally end up with a sausage roll or something and a hot chocolate…………….

Been out on the bike a couple more times…………now we did Badbury Rings and round there on Saturday…………….few bits I could not ride up due to claggy clay………….and did a spectacular fall on what I thought was hard solid ground but turned out to have a patch of mud at the bottom of the hill which I skidded out and landed rather heavily on my elbow…………the same one I broke in a road accident 25 years ago or there abouts………….nice big bruise on it now……………….previous Saturday did in the New Forest up to Linwood and had a pub stop part way round…………..Now I am getting to love this cycling lark…………..still not too sure about some of the downhill bits but still having fun with it………………can only really manage one ride at the weekend but may start to do evening rides now that the evenings are getting lighter……………..

Speedway season starts this month………….looking forward to seeing who is doing what…………..cannot believe I have followed Poole for 34 years…………..must get down there and to the GP this year…………….

Still not been out with the camera much…………not really had the time to…………..will take some of all of us on the bikes or flying at some point…………….need to get out and fly too…………..

More updates as and when things happen………………will remain positive til then…………….

Well that is what this week has felt like………..

The job that I loved has fallen through………failed probation which to be honest I am quite shocked at because I had no idea it was going to happen in a sense………..I believed it would be extended to take into account the health issues I have had since Christmas but alas it was not to be……………..so most of this week has been spent searching for a new job………….had one interview and got a call back to go again for a days assessment but when I sat down and worked out the pay against the hours it was completely naff and would not have given me quality time with my family and I have to put them first……………but working a 50 hour week for less than what I was on is completely crap……………so it is back to the drawing board……………I have applied for loads of jobs online………..two rejections because people are better qualified than me so will just keep at it and going out and about searching…………

Went for a long bike ride yesterday again……….found it hard work because of the wet ground in places and the new chain Tim put on kept slipping some of the time………….the solid tracks were good though and the target of a hot chocolate at the end of it was worth waiting for………………

Not long now til the Speedway season starts…………will be following the local team as usual but have been reading about one of my past heroes who has been unwell recently…………..Kelly Moran, an American who rode in the UK in the late 70′s/early 80′s who was absolutely brilliant in his day…………and it took me back to when all the American’s rode over here and we had all the test matches and America dominating the World Team Cup which was in a different format then………………..oh how things have changed with hardly any Americans riding in the UK these days but there are loads of young Aussie’s coming through the ranks……………Poole having both Chris Holder and Darcy Ward in their team is going to be good…………must try and get down there this year for a change……………..

Diet has gone out of the window this week because of what has happened…………..I hate not eating sensibly but things have got better as the week went on…………….got a nice Gammon joint today which is one of my favorites…………pity the rest of them are not that keen on it………………..

Off to see what else needs doing………………..

For some reason I have not really talked about my love of music……….it all stems back to the 70′s when I started listening to people like Donny Osmond and David Cassidy and it went on from there to bands like The Bay City Rollers and Mud though these days I prefer Rock music……….bands like The Foo Fighters and Kings Of Leon along with people like Paloma Faith and Paolo Nutini……….I even have some Jazz and Classical in there too…………really though I will listen to anything except Country……………I cannot stand it……….my current favorite is believe it or not Take That though I do like Snow Patrol and The Ting Tings as well………….currently downloading loads of music…………….the only trouble is everyone moans when I sing along as they reckon I can’t sing………….I can but not as well as I used to…………it comes from too many throat infections and bouts of laryngitis as a teenager……………….now the family say I sound like the cat has been strangled…………

Lost 3 pound in weight this week………..very pleased with that…….especially considering the amount of Toffee Pecan cookies I had at the weekend…………….though for the most part this last week or so the eating has been fairly sensible…………and cycling helps…………going out again at the weekend…………Moors Valley again I think as there is all sorts over there to look at and lots of paths we did not try last weekend with Ryan……….I just want to keep losing as I want to be a size 16 for my cousins wedding in June………….

Now that is going to be a very busy weekend as it is my birthday in the Friday, Matthew and Charlene get married on the Saturday and my Mum’s birthday on the Sunday…………..Party on I say……………never had so much going on on the same weekend ever in my life…………..

Apart from that still busy at work though it has been quieter this week…………started late but finished early as had some flex time due……….short day when you start at ten was wonderful………..even did the school run this morning for the first time in ages………….fresh air in the mornings is good…………..even if its only for ten minutes…………it worked wonders for my headache……………still waiting to hear when I have to go for my scan………….sooner they eliminate the potential serious causes the better………………..

Off to see what else is being downloaded and amend the menu plan………..

Now sometimes I forget that I need to update this but apart from Tim’s birthday and me being ill nothing has really happened……………

Tim’s Birthday was good……….he liked what we bought him being the important thing and at least he no longer has to bend down to do bike maintenance…………..we did go on what he thought was a 15 mile ride but was actually an 18 mile ride on his birthday on the snow and ice which was fun…………and best of all I did not fall off…………….did have a couple of slightly messy moments when I put my foot down on the ice and nearly went sliding all over the place but managed to stay upright in the end…………..it was better than riding in the mud or sand……….mud is my least favorite surface to ride on especially wet mud as it is so hard to ride through but then dry mud is easy to get caught in the ruts…………………but the more I do it the more I enjoy going out on the bikes………….and hopefully when the weather improves we may venture a bit further afield……………

Being ill has not helped…………I have been to the doctors 4 times in the last two weeks with a headache problem which is driving me completely mad…………and before you guys say anything I know I am more than a little mad…………I have been diagnosed with Tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and have to see the ENT people………….this has contributed to the headaches which I now have decent pain killers for…………..they also checked my vision today which is not affecting the problem as is normal…………..well normal for me………..those of you who know me well know that I can only see out of one eye……………I don’t see it as a disability because it is all I have ever known………….anyway I have been told to rest this weekend so will not be cycling but might take the camera out somewhere for a bit………….

The diet is starting to get back on track now that Tim’s birthday is out of the way……….back on the menu planning and other odds and ends that seem to fit in with it all………….though somehow I don’t think cream cakes should figure in it at all…………….and for some reason at the moment I crave chocolate……………I am trying to work out why though…………..and no I am not pregnant……………too old for all that……………

That’s all for now………………back soon with more words of wisdom………………

Yep that is the plan for this year………………..I need to change certain things in my life and for the better so that is my goal…………..

By the end of the year I would like to be……….

At least another 3 stone lighter

Be on a lower dose of anti depressants

Be more calm and rational about things

and do exactly what I say I am going to do and then do it instead of delaying it

I have had a few tough times trying to come to terms with things……….some of which I prefer to forget ever happened, some of which I am glad happened even though it should have been done differently and some of which should have happened but for whatever reason did not…………..well not in the way they were planned anyway………….

My dreams for this year are to be fit and well for as much time as possible………….to get out on the bike more……….to get more other exercise…………to still be happily married to my wonderful husband………..and for the kids to be happy in what they are doing……………

Today has been good……..a nice long walk and now puddle paddling for a change but there was a lot of ice around…………..I just hope that if we get snow I can get to work……………Can’t ride the bike as my knee is playing up and driving me and I still have this headache which will not go away…………….may be I need to get it checked……………

I need to stop eating crap as well…………just as well nearly all the Christmas goodies are gone………..the sweet stuff has been my downfall this year………..Stollen, mince pies, chocolate…………..the serious diet starts again now………….I have Tim’s birthday on Saturday coming and want to do a nice low fat meal for him……….a really diet friendly one…………..so I’m off to look at recipes for the day…………….could be fun trying to find something that we both like…………

I have been watching what is going on for the Speedway season too………..looks like Poole’s team is almost complete…..what with signing Darcy Ward and bringing Davey Watt back in to go with Chris Holder things are shaping up nicely……………..I hope to get down there a few times this year and would not mind doing some photo’s……………as the collection needs a bit of variation in it now…………..

Oh well back to the meal planning……………….

As I said before this year I was really enthusiastic about Christmas……………and I was not disappointed……..

There was the usual chaos in the run up hampered by the bad weather which of course did not turn to snow……………was fun and I was very well organised for a change…………all the presents wrapped by 9 on Christmas Eve………..everything delivered and collected Christmas Eve…………big food shop done on the Wednesday…………along with some hand delivery cards……………and the great waterproof sock hunt…………………

The day its self was amazing…………….a nice leisurely start to the morning with the kids opening their ‘Santa’ stuff………a beautiful watch and bracelet from him indoors along with some of my favorite music………..Tim did well as did the kids…………..they had loads of stuff and the lounge still looks like a bomb has gone off in it…………Dinner was good though a little late due to the roast potatoes taking longer than planned……………..all very diet friendly…………….and then to my Mum’s for Boxing Day tea…………again all very diet friendly and loads of it…………

Been out for a Bike Ride on Boxing Day too and fell off again…………..and got wet feet……….but it was a route we had not done before and will do again when it has dried out properly………………total ridden 15.1 miles……………also did a 5 mile walk this morning from Burley down the old railway line to Holmsley and stopped at the Old Station House Tea Rooms for Tea and Dorset Apple cake………………

Have been very good with food and not gone too mad with the snacky stuff…………..I prefer savoury to sweet snacks any way……………Pretzels and Twiglets rock and are not bad calorie wise…………..off to be weighed again tonight………

More random mutterings soon…………..